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Wow! Long time, no ... er ... see!

I thought I'd come and write here now. It's been a long while because I'd been blogging at another site. However, since making "friends" at that site, so much infighting and meaness has occured lately, that I've decided that it's not good for my emotional health to feel like I'm being forced into picking and choosing what I say to who about what. It's stupid to be lumped into a category along with one group or another, even though I didn't say one word and tried to keep out of the fighting all together. So whatever. I don't care anymore. If that's what you think I'm about, I'm not gonna waste my time trying to change your mind.

Anyhoo, one more bitching thing before I move on to more interesting stuff. Just want to vent about how very PISSED OFF I AM about the ex again. It seems like EVERY time he's home, something happens with the boys. They can't just go over and we, say, see them happily coming home after having a good time at dads. Here's what happened this time... (BTW, for those that don't know, J has a new girlfriend with two little boys close to my older boys' ages.) My parents decided that they wanted to take the boys to Disneyland this year so, for the last couple of months - basically since just after New Years - we've been going to and from the city to get passports and such for them to be able to travel. It cost us around $1500 to do the whole thing from start to finish. On our end, that is. Not my parents end. Quite a big chunk out of a one-income family of six people. So I told the credit lady that I couldn't pay last month. There was some confusion concerning her new extention number so she ended up phoning back. I told her to give J a call cuz he was home (he'd phoned an hour before!) and she told me that any time she ever phones me (which isn't often cuz I PAY MY BILLS!), she phones him first. He refuses to answer the phone. Nice. But no surprise.

Anyways, I told J when the boys were going and when they'd be back. Normally, he's only home for 5-7 days each month. So instead of waiting til they were home to come back, he comes home five days before so we warned them that they might not get to visit with dad this month. He ended up staying longer which is good for the boys, not so good for his funds. SO. He told me that the boys would be home probably on Monday. At 5PM on Monday, I phoned over to find out where my kids were and he tells me that oh, he gets to stay in town for a few more days. Yep, thanks for letting me know so we don't make too much dinner and I don't think my kids are dead in a ditch... A couple of days ago, I get a call from #1 son. He wants to know when his appointment to see his counsellor is for. I give him the time and he asks if I'm going to drive him. I tell him that if he thinks dad is responsible enough to take him to ask him to. Son says, "Ummmm... I don't think that I trust him. Mom could you take me?" He's 10. I think he's beginning to notice just how unreliable and irresponsible his dad is. Then yesterday, not expecting them home, suddenly two little boys arrive upset just after 5. #1 son is in tears, sobbing his little heart out and #2 is hanging in there. Apparently, dad hasn't come home (they get home from school at 3.30) and they've been sitting there in the dark of dad's apartment waiting for him. The power has been shut off (he owes $200 so they cut him off) and they can't seem to get ahold of his cel phone. #1 thinks something bad has happened to him. NOW I'm pissed!!! I march upstairs and phone him. He answers and I ask where he is. I'm biting my tongue really hard so as not so rip into him. He says he's at his girlfriend's grandma's. I tell him that his sons are freaking out cuz they thought something happened to him. He say, "Oh, sorry. I didn't expect to get so involved in what I was doing." Oh sorry? Maybe you oughta say you're sorry to your kids who've been SITTING IN THE FREAKIN' DARK FOR THE LAST TWO HOURS YOU JACKASS!!!!!!

Okay. Breathe. The boys went back over to his house (I asked if they wanted to stay home but I think they wanted to make sure dad was really ok) and he, I assume, eventually picked them up. They've been staying on the farm (which means late nights and REALLY early mornings to get to school) cuz of the no power thing. I bet soon, he'll not be paying rent (which I'm sure will be my fault cuz he has to pay child support to me) and get kicked out of his apartment. That means he'll be back on the farm permanantly. His passive-aggressive way of getting to be with his girlfriend since she seems to be living there with his parents. Yah, I know. Wierd. Let's get this straight tho. I have NO problem with this girl - she seems very nice. I have no problem with her kids. Other than my boys are extremely jealous of them (they call them the "two tiny terrorists" which they do NOT call their half sibling twins who are even younger!) and feel that dad spends more time and loves those boys more than he loves them. I think J will probably marry her which really upsets the boys big time. I've tried to warn them so they won't be too shocked if it happens. I mean, you do see that J had the other little boys with him yesterday at the grandma's house, right? He just forgot his own kids. Again. They come in second place all the time and they know it. #1 son asked his dad when his dad was in the hospital not too long ago how much money he'd made on his last trip. J said, "Around $3000." #1 said, "So you'll have extra money to spend on the tiny terrorists then." Did I mention that he's 10?? J gave him a speil about it's not about money, it's about love.

Guess they just found out what love is all about yesterday, huh.